THE WEEKLY THREE
a mindset newsletter by Kari Watterson
December 22, 2023
– 1 – IF YOU’RE STRUGGLING, TRY SWITCHING TOOLS
The law of the instrument, the law of the hammer, Maslow’s hammer (or gavel), or golden hammer, is a cognitive bias that involves over-reliance on a familiar tool. “I remember seeing an elaborate and complicated washing machine for automobiles that did a beautiful job of washing them. But it could only do that, and everything else that got into its clutches was treated as if it were an automobile to be washed. I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.” – Abraham Maslow
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It’s human nature to rely on something until it loses effectiveness. Then we get nervous and start looking for the next “tool.”
But did the original tool lose effectiveness, or might we have been relying on it too heavily?
When we get serious about inner healing and our personal growth and development, it can be exciting to find a tool or concept that seems to change everything for us.
But there will come a point where overreliance on one tool will make you feel like you’re stuck again.
If this is you right now, nothing’s gone wrong. It’s just an opportunity to pause and zoom out.
Are you using a hammer when another tool might be more appropriate?
Is it possible because you have a hammer your mind feels compelled to find all the things that need “fixing”?
At the beginning of my own journey, I was so grateful to have found mindset work, but because I didn’t have balance, I was spending so much time in my head.
I worked with a coach who helped me to balance metacognitive techniques with mindfulness practices.
Now when I sense I’m thinking too much about my thinking, I know it’s time to step away and bring myself back to the present. It’s time to get outside, to listen to the sounds, to notice the colors around me, to get curious and delight in nature and my surroundings.
If you feel stuck or down about your own growth lately, take a breath. Step back. Take a walk. Look around you. Use your senses,
And when you’re ready, ask yourself if you might be trying to use one hammer, thinking everything is a nail.
– 2 – THE RIGHT WORDS, AT THE RIGHT TIME, CAN BE LIFE-CHANGING
I directly attribute my personal growth to the intentional pursuit and curation of meaningful sentences from those who’ve gone before me.
How interesting would it be to graph our personal evolution using only the quotes, thoughts or words of wisdom that truly impacted us as the data points?
When I reflect on my growth, I often see it as a journey of sentences.
I remember the initial sentences that blew my mind. I was searching for a solution and because I was in that mode, the words that I needed to hear hit me in a way my brain was ready to receive.
Those sentences became steps in my journey.
From Louise Hay, I learned that decades of being my own worst critic didn’t seem to help me, and maybe this time it would be effective to try something else.
=== “You’ve spent years criticizing yourself, try approving of yourself and seeing what happens.” – Louise Hay
From Carl Jung and Marcus Aurelius, I decided that instead of constantly running from and avoiding uncomfortable things, I should try facing them:
== “What you resist, persists.” – Carl Jung
== “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” – Marcus Aurelius
From Byron Katie, I learned that constantly revisiting what I viewed as shameful parts of my past would never end positively and only serve to keep me stuck there:
== “You can argue with reality and you’ll lose, but only 100% of the time.” – Byron Katie
I learned from Einstein that insanity was doing the same thing, expecting different results:
== “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used to create them.” – Albert Einstein
From Brooke Castillo, I learned to find peace in the knowledge that no matter how much we grow, we are still human with human brains and will of course experience all the human emotions, period:
=== “Life will always be 50/50, no matter how successful you become.” (paraphrasing Brooke Castillo)
I learned from Viktor Frankl the power of pausing rather than instinctively reacting:
== “Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” – attributed to Viktor Frankl
These are just a few of the sentences that have helped me to change my life, and for that I’m beyond thankful.
What about you?
– 3 – ACTION IS THE ANTIDOTE TO FEAR
“Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds courage and confidence. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.” – Dale Carnegie
This quote keeps proving itself true, time and time again.
When I’m in my head, second-guessing myself, indulging in doubt, rehashing the same limiting beliefs and “Who am I to do this” stories, I feel paralyzed by my own thoughts.
When I push myself to take action — action that moves the needle even in the smallest of degrees in the direction I want to go — I start to believe that what I want is possible.
If you’re feeling frozen by fear but desperately want to take action, let these words guide you:
“Courage is not the absence of fear. but rather the assessment
that something else is more important than fear.”
– Franklin Delano Roosevelt
What is more important than fear for you right now?
Is it freedom? (emotional, mental, physical, financial) Is it the ability to live a life that feels true to you, and not what you think others expect of you? Is it, in the words of Hal Elrod, the desire to become the person who is capable of creating whatever it is you want? Is it learning to manage your mind and steady your nerves so you feel safe to go after what you want? How about the ability to experience life without the constant intrusion of your inner critic?
Remember, fear is an emotion created by our conscious or subconscious thinking. It’s a messenger, a signal from our brain that something about what we’re getting into feels uncertain, unsafe. This is self-preservation mode in action. When we know this about our brains, we can respond to fear differently. If our emotions are created by our thoughts, we can think on purpose to generate emotions that not only create feelings of safety but help us keep moving toward what we want.
Each time we choose to lean in and act despite discomfort, we show our brain : 1) we can do hard things; and 2) we can experience uncomfortable/activating emotions and survive them.
When we’re willing to experience any emotion, we realize we’ve been playing small and safe our entire lives. Rather than asking ourselves, “What do I want to do?” we designed our lives around the question, “What don’t I want to feel?”
“Most people give up just when they’re about to achieve success.
They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute
of the game one foot from a winning touchdown.”
– Ross Perot
Start. Switch tools if you need to. Take what moves you from people who’ve gone before you. Courage can help you take action; it’s also a byproduct of the action you take. Fear grows with inaction. As with all emotions, we create fear with our thinking (conscious/subconscious).
When we truly understand that our feelings come from our thoughts, and not external circumstances, the world becomes wide open. The question becomes, “Where do you want to go from here?”
Have a fantastic day.
Kari