“Most people quit because they can’t tolerate the gap between where they are, and where they want to be. The daily work, then, is reminding ourselves that we control that gap.”
This is everything.
How do we help ourselves not let our thoughts and feelings while in the gap keep us from moving forward?
This is the secret, yes?
I spent most of my life trying to solve the problem of bridging this gap — in my relationships, in my professional aspirations, in my relationship with myself, in how I showed up for life.
I’d want to change.
I’d decide to change.
I’d start taking steps toward the change I wanted.
I’d start to see progress.
I’d feel motivated, determined, committed.
I’d lose steam.
I’d recommit.
I’d willpower my way through for a while.
I’d do all things others said to do.
I’d get exhausted by trying to do all the things.
I’d start beating myself up.
I’d beat myself up for beating myself.
I’d start simultaneously thinking I needed to be harder on myself while also feeling triggered at the thought of going back to being my own worst nightmare of a critic.
Eventually, days then weeks then months would go by without taking any action to the extent I would avoid thinking about it because doing so would make me feel worse about myself.
Then I’d read an inspiring post on LinkedIn, or hear an inspiring podcast that reminded me of what it was that I wanted.
Then I’d want to change again.
I’d decide this time I wouldn’t give up.
I’d start taking steps toward the change I wanted.
Then I’d lose steam…
Can you relate?
Repeat this pattern enough, and you start feeling traumatized by your patterns.
I started using my past patterns against myself to the extent that my subconscious believed I was someone who just could not bridge that gap.
Until the day I asked myself what it would take to bridge that gap.
Turns out, I needed skills.
That’s it.
And I loved the idea of developing bridge-gapping skills.
This is the work of coaching.
We like to make things so complex.
It doesn’t mean the work is easy.
Simple doesn’t necessarily mean easy.
But it is the work, and the work is worth it.
What would you let yourself do if you could tolerate the gap?
Who would you let yourself be?
What would you let yourself try?
We have one life.
How will you live it?
Think about it.
And then, let’s get to work.