January 9, 2024
Welcome to The Weekly Three newsletter. Each week I’ll share three insights, tools, stories, or resources to help inspire and motivate you to keep going after what you want.
This week’s topics:
1. Identity-based habits vs. outcome-based habits;
2. Letting go of who you are to make room for who you need to be;
3. Accelerating your growth by letting go of habits that don’t serve you while building habits that do.
– 1 – Identity-based Habits
“Good habits make rational sense, but when they conflict with your identity, you will fail to put them into action.” – James Clear (Author of Atomic Habits)
Let’s take a look at an example:
- Desired outcome: Lose 30 pounds
- Process to lose 30 pounds (the habit you want to build): Go to gym 5x/week
- Current identity: Someone who struggles to do what she says she’s going to do.
Technically, the habit of going to the gym (the process) could result in the outcome you desire (losing the weight). But you will struggle to go to the gym if you believe you are someone who struggles to do what she says she’s going to do. When you’re asking yourself to do something that is at odds with who you believe you are, behavior change will feel hard. And when behavior change feels hard, the more likely we will quit.
If you’ve been struggling with your habits, ask yourself whether the process of getting to the outcome you want is in conflict with who you believe yourself to be. If so, switch your focus from outcome-based habits to identity-based habits.
James Clear writes, “With outcome-based habits, the focus is on what you want to achieve. With identity-based habits, the focus is on who you wish to become.”
How do you switch to identity-based habits?
From James Clear:
1. Decide the type of person you want to be. ( Ask yourself, “Who is the type of person that could get the outcome I want?”)
2. Prove it to yourself with small wins.
James Clear has a great worksheet you can download from his website that helps you map out this process with any goal you desire. The steps are as follows:
Step 1: Name the performance or appearance goal you want to achieve.
Step 2: In one sentence describe the type of person who would achieve
your goal. (This is the new identity you want to take on)
Step 3: List 5 incredibly small steps you can take to become this person.
Commit to doing each step for a week straight before moving on to the next.
The goal is not to achieve results at first, the goal is to become the type of
person who can achieve those things.
Recommended Resources:
Website: www.JamesClear.com
Article: Identity-Based Habits: How to Actually Stick to Your Goals This Year by James Clear
Worksheet: QuickStart Guide to Identity-Based Habits by James Clear (includes worksheet)
– 2 – Letting Go of Who We Are to Make Room For Who We Need to Be
“In the end, it’s important to remember that we cannot become who we need to be, by remaining what we are.” – Max De Pree (Author of Leadership is an Art)
If we want something different, we’ve got to be willing to do something different.
If we are very reactive but want to be more patient, thoughtful, and intentional, we’ve got to be willing to practice patience, thoughtfulness and choosing to respond with intention.
If we want to feel healthier in our bodies, we’ve got to be willing to make healthier meal choices and value movement and exercise over sitting on the couch.
If we long to be more adventurous, we’ve got to be willing to plan and do or sign up for more adventurous things.
Most of us know this intellectually.
So why then do so many of us still feel stuck, frozen, stagnant?
1. We haven’t let ourselves fully answer the question, “What do we really want?”
2. We don’t believe what we want is possible for us.
3. We know what we need to do –but part of us doesn’t believe that it will “work.”
4. We know what we need to do — and it sounds exhausting.
5. We think we need so much fixing and work that we become overwhelmed and shut down.
6. We think tiny, small, incremental steps each day can’t possibly lead to the change we want.
7. We know what we need to do & we fully intend to start….tomorrow…or after we (insert reason here).
8. We don’t want to start something that we fear we’ll eventually quit because that’s what we’ve done in the past.
9. We know what we need to do but we want to do it “right,” but part of us believes doing it “right” won’t be sustainable.
10. What we want seems so far away. We feel hopeless before we even really give ourselves a chance to get started.
Do any of these resonate?
Here’s the thing.
Just speaking out loud or writing out why you think you’re not taking action is important, but you have to be willing to move on from there.
You have to be willing to look at your list of excuses and want to work through them so they no longer get to be a reason why you’re not doing the thing already.
That’s right.
When we hold onto our excuses, we get to keep them.
But when we decide to no longer let ourselves keep them, what’s left?
The work.
And when we start doing the work, we see the truth: that we had to let go of who we were in order to become who we needed to be.
This is bridging the gap work. This is belief work. This is skillbuilding.
What we want is on the other side.
How much longer will you wait to do this work to give yourself a shot at a different experience?
– 3 – Accelerate Growth By Working on Habits on Both Ends
“Good habits are important, but it’s often our bad habits that prevent us from reaching our full potential. You can have all the good habits in the world, but if you keep doing the bad habits alongside the good ones, you’ll struggle to reach your goals.” – Amy Morin (Author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do)
Hit a wall with your efforts to manage/streamline/reclaim control of your time, energy and productivity?
Does the idea of doing or trying one more thing feel exhausting?
Instead of looking for another habit to add, consider where you might optimize your existing efforts.
One way to do this without adding more to your plate is to honestly assess where sloppy habits or unconscious patterns could be inhibiting or handicapping your growth.
For example, this year has been so rewarding on so many different levels in my coaching practice.
I’m coaching my clients at a higher level than ever before. My self-concept as a coach is stronger. My commitment and desire to keep upleveling my skills to provide an even more powerful coaching experience have allowed me to fall in love with being a student of the work on a deeper level than ever before.
I love what I do, and I attribute a good part of my passion and renewed drive to giving myself permission to fully own the way I choose to run and grow my business.
What this drive can sometimes turn into, though, if I’m not being intentional is hopping on my laptop in the middle of the night to jot down ideas for a podcast or to research a topic that’s been on my mind, or sometimes I’ll use the wee early morning hours to journal or read.
It’s not like I’m setting my alarm to wake up at 1 in the morning to work.
No, it’s sneaky.
My dog will wake me up to go outside, or I’ll get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and instead of choosing to go back to bed, I’ve been choosing to grab my laptop or phone and go downstairs for an hour or two.
You can probably guess where I’m going with this.
I know the version of me who is operating at the level I envision I’ll be in three years values and prioritizes healthy amounts of regular and restorative sleep.
I know a well-rested brain and body is vital for my mental, emotional and physical wellbeing and to grow a healthy and sustainable business.
In Amy Morin’s words, good habits are important, but it’s often our bad habits that prevent us from reaching our full potential.
When I first shared this post, my friend, Dennis, commented, “We cling to our “favorite” bad habits tenaciously. We improve adding those good habits, and we still inhibit moving forward by holding on.”
I love how he used the word ‘tenacious’ here. We often think of ‘tenacious’ and ‘tenacity’ as admirable and noble but, as with anything, context is the determinant.
Tenacious and tenacity come from the Latin word, tenax, an adjective meaning “tending to hold fast.” (Merriam-Webster)
In my case, I’m keenly aware there’s already a point of diminishing returns at play because of my poor sleep habits. Awareness of this is great. That’s a start. But I’ve been struggling with my sleep for years. It’s become a habit.
Am I tenaciously clinging to this habit?
Have I ever committed to doing something about it?
Have I ever declared that I will not give up on finding ways to get longer periods of deep, restful sleep more consistently?
If I’m honest, the answer is no, not yet. And so I get hold onto my poor sleeping habit.
We often hear that success requires sacrifice. With regard to habits, success requires not just building better habits, but being willing to sacrifice (let go of) unhealthy habits that have kept us underachieving, underperforming, underearning, and underliving.
Which habits are you willing to sacrifice to make room for more success in your life?
Resources Cited in this Newsletter
Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones (Tiny Changes, Remarkable Results) by James Clear (plus his treasure-trove website: www.JamesClear.com)
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Have a fantastic week.
Kari
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Kari Watterson Coaching
Life – Mindset – Habits
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