THE WEEKLY THREE
a mindset newsletter by Kari Watterson
December 2, 2023
– 1 – The Mindset of Choice
“The ability to choose cannot be taken away or even given away — it can only be forgotten.”
Greg McKeown, best-selling author of Essentialism and Effortless.
In the book, Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less, author Greg McKeown asks these questions: “Have you ever felt stuck because you believed you did not really have a choice? Have you ever felt the stress that comes from simultaneously holding two contradictory beliefs? “I can’t do this” and “I have to do this”? Have you ever given up your power to choose bit by bit until you allowed yourself to blindly follow a path prescribed by another person? If so, you are not alone.” (p. 35)
It’s human nature to forget we have the power to choose. We might feel we don’t, or even resolutely believe we don’t, but not wanting to experience what we perceive may happen from making certain choices is not the same as not having the power to choose.
This statement can trigger visceral reactions. I know it did in me. My brain would balk, pointing to those existing in circumstances where exercising certain choices might lead to dire consequences that I’ve never had to experience and, in truth, could not imagine facing.
My thoughts on choice changed after reading Austrian psychiatrist and Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl’s book, Man’s Search for Meaning. Frankl spent three years in four different concentration camps during World War II, losing both parents and his wife inside the camps.
Frankl observed, “…those prisoners who survived, who found a way to endure, had a greater purpose that carried them onward through difficult conditions.”
“We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” (Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search for Meaning)
Greg McKeown writes, “To become an Essentialist requires a heightened awareness of our ability to choose. We need to recognize it as an invincible power within us, existing separate and distinct from any other thing, person or force.. William James once wrote, ”My first act of free will shall be to believe in free will.” That is why the first and most crucial skill you will learn on this journey is to develop your ability to choose choice, in every area of your life….When we forget our ability to choose, we learn to be helpless.” (pp. 38-39)
We explore ways to “unlearn” learned helplessness on Episode 60 of the podcast. The first step to change is awareness of the desire for something different. The second step is choosing to do something about it.
– 2 – Inspiring Quotes on Choice and Change
”May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” — Nelson Mandela
“In any given moment we have two options: to step forward into growth or step back into safety.” — Abraham Maslow
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”
— Chinese Proverb
“The 3 C’s of Life: Choices, Chances, Changes. You must make a choice to take a chance or your life will never change.” — Zig Ziglar
“At any moment you have a choice that either leads you closer to your spirit,
or further away from it.” — Thich Nhat Hanh
“Giving up is hard. Pushing through the struggle is hard. Choose your hard.”
— Unknown
– 3 – You Can Choose a Growth Mindset
I can point to 5 or 6 books that turned my world upside down and changed my life. “Mindset” by Carol Dweck, Ph.D. is unequivocally one of those books. It was “Mindset” that taught me people weren’t necessarily born with a fixed or growth mindset; it was something you could choose and work to cultivate.
This was about as mind-blowing as learning we have the ability to change our brains by using our brains differently. Both revelations occurred in my mid-forties, after years of depression, anxiety, restlessness, and feeling utterly trapped by my looping, negative thought patterns.
I most definitely had a fixed mindset but I always believed it was just a part of who I was: an immovable — albeit painful and unfortunate — part of my personality and identity.
Now here was Dr. Dweck telling me that my mindset was not only changeable, but within my control and ability to do so:
“For thirty years, my research has shown the view you adopt for yourself [fixed or growth mindset] profoundly affects the way you lead your life. It can determine whether you become the person you want to be and whether you accomplish the things you value.”
“Believing your qualities are carved in stone — the fixed mindset –creates an urgency to prove yourself over and over. If you have only a certain amount of intelligence, a certain personality, a certain moral character — well, then you’d better prove you have a healthy dose of them…”
“Growth mindset is based on the belief that your basic qualities are things you can cultivate through your efforts, your strategies, and help from others…they believe a person’s true potential is unknown (and unknowable); that it’s impossible to foresee what can be accomplished with years of passion, toil and training…”
“The passion for stretching yourself and sticking to it, even (or especially) when it’s not going well is the hallmark of the growth mindset. This is the mindset that allows people to thrive during some of the most challenging times of their lives.“
What will you choose?
If you’re struggling, try asking yourself these questions:
- What do you WANT to choose?
- What’s holding you back from making choices in your life? (Write these down. These are actually starting points, not obstacles). (Suggested resource — Episode 64 of the podcast: Mindset Shifts – Note Your Starting Point)
- Is there an element of learned helplessness at play? Do you feel powerless now and about your future because of having experienced feeling powerless in the past? Do you believe nothing you do will make a difference? (Suggested resource — Episode 60 of the podcast: Learned Helplessness and Motivation to Change)
- Would you describe your present mindset as more fixed or growth? What would change for you if you chose to start cultivating a growth mindset? How would your relationship with yourself change? What would choosing to do this work open up for you at work? In your own self-development? In your relationships with your kids, your partner, your family? With humans overall?
- What would not changing cost you?
“If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice.”
From ‘Freewill’ by the band, RUSH
Resources Cited in this Newsletter
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown
Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck, Ph.D.
Ep. 60 of The End of the Day Podcast | Learned Helplessness & Motivation
Ep. 64 of The End of the Day Podcast | Mindset Shift: Note Your Starting Point