Here’s a question for you.
Is the goal to be consistent, or is the goal to achieve a specific result?
So many of us set a goal, make a plan, struggle to be consistent with our plan, and then beat ourselves up and shame ourselves for not being consistent with our plan (aka not doing what we said we would do). We spend lots of mental and emotional energy thinking about all the times we set goals in the past and weren’t consistent. We want to stay positive but we can’t shake the nagging fear that this time will end up like all the others. After a few more starts and stops, we give up, until the next time when we repeat this entire pattern again.
We label ourselves as “someone who struggles to be consistent” or “someone who doesn’t do what they set out to do.”
The problem with negative labels is we tend to accept them as true and they become part of our self-concept (what we believe about ourselves).
We struggle to change when what we believe about ourselves is in conflict with what we’re trying to do.
Here’s James Clear, the author of the best-selling book, Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits and to Break Bad Ones:
The key to building lasting habits is focusing on creating a new identity first.
Your current behaviors are simply a reflection of your current identity.
What you do now is a mirror image of the type of person you believe that you are (either consciously or subconsciously).
To change your behavior for good, you need to start believing new things about yourself.
You need to build identity-based habits.
Changing your beliefs isn’t nearly as hard as you think. There are two steps:
- Decide the type of person you want to be.
2. Prove it to yourself with small wins.
Your identity emerges out of your habits. Every action is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.
(Source: https://jamesclear.com/atomic-habits-summary)
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If we attach ourselves to the identity of someone who struggles to be consistent, it’s no wonder we feel such resistance/trepidation when our ability to reach a goal depends on us being consistent.
There are countless resources that offer practical strategies, tools and insights for people who want to become more consistent. So why do so many of us still struggle?
In my experience (working with clients and in my own growth journey), we often use the word consistency against ourselves.
We know from quotes on Instagram and Pinterest that consistency is the path to creating the success we desire.
Our brains absorb this messaging. No wonder goal-setting for some of us is a high-stakes game.
If we can’t be consistent, we can’t be successful.
If we can’t be consistent, we can’t change.
If we can’t be consistent, we will stay exactly as we are while others move forward.
If we can’t be consistent, we will always wonder what life could’ve been like if only we were able to stick things out and see things through.
If we can’t be consistent, we will always know the pain of longing and regret.
But what if we allowed ourselves to think about consistency in an entirely different way, a way that was free of emotion and judgment?
To do this, let’s first revisit a few definitions:
goal (noun)
– the object of a person’s ambition or effort; aim or desired result (Oxford Languages)
– the end toward which effort is directed: aim (Merriam-Webster)
effort (noun)
– a vigorous or determined attempt (Oxford Languages)
– conscious exertion of power, a serious attempt, try (Merriam-Webster)
– physical or mental activity needed to achieve something, or an attempt to do something (Cambridge Dictionary)
consistent (adjective)
– acting or done in the same way over time, especially so as to be fair or accurate (Oxford Languages)
– marked by harmony, regularity, or steady continuity (Merriam-Webster)
– agreeing or accordant; compatible; not self-contradictory (Collins English Dictionary)
– not changing in behavior, attitudes or qualities (Macmillan Dictionary)
If you notice that you keep using a word against yourself (in this case, consistent or disciplined), take a minute to look it up in the dictionary.
Most of us don’t realize how much power we’ve allowed certain words to have over us.
A goal doesn’t make or break our happiness. It doesn’t make us a good person or bad person if we have them, achieve them, or fail to meet them. A goal is simply an aim, a target toward which we direct our effort. That’s it.
Effort is simply an attempt to do something. Intentional, targeted effort is simply choosing to direct our attempt to do something in a focused way.
Consistent simply describes the quantity, quality and orientation of our attempts do something. The quantity is regular, steady. The quality is similar over time. The orientation is not self-contradictory, which I translate to mean not in opposition with our desired goal (again, the object of our effort).
What if goal-setting simply came down to this:
– Where would you like to direct your effort this year?
– What efforts will you make toward that end?
– When will you make these efforts?
– When will you review your efforts to evaluate your progress and check your trajectory?
What if you thought of consistency simply as consistent effort? Some thoughts to help with this:
– I will direct my effort toward ________ this year.
– My effort will look like this: ___________
– I have made a plan for when I will make this effort on a regular basis.
– The more consistent, intentional and focused I am with my effort, the faster I will notice the results of my effort.
– The less consistent, less intentional and less focused I am with my effort, the longer it will take to notice the results of my effort.
– Knowing this, I get to decide if I’d like to notice the results of my effort sooner or later.
– The ultimate outcome isn’t always within my control, but my effort is 100% within my control.
– I can give myself the best shot of reaching my desired outcome with the quality, quantity, and orientation of my effort.
– The goal isn’t to be perfect. The goal is to get the result I want. Focusing on bouncing back faster and getting back on track quickly is how I get to my goal faster.
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If we’re honest with ourselves, how many of us use our struggle with consistency as an excuse to quit, or to avoid setting goals altogether?
The thing about quitting is it never gets us closer to improving the areas of our lives we want to improve.
We think we quit because we failed to be consistent with our actions, but, in reality, we quit because we failed to be consistent with the quality of our thinking.
It’s up to us to remain resourceful, to redirect our thoughts, to notice when we’re engaging in avoidant or sabotaging behaviors.
It’s up to us to challenge our beliefs, the status quo, and to give ourselves permission to find paths that work best for us to achieve what it is we want.
And it’s up to us to notice when certain words — like consistency — create resistance we can’t seem to move past.
In the past, those words would stop us.
But with a commitment to self-awareness, those words are simply an opportunity to remove what’s standing in our way.
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