Right now, millions of people are setting new year’s resolutions, choosing a word of intention for the year, or swearing off setting new year’s goals or intentions altogether.
Some are excited at the thought of a fresh start, while others can’t help but view resolutions as an exercise in futility.
Some are looking forward to the future, while others wonder if they can ever break free from their past.
If you fall into any of these categories, trust me when I tell you I feel you. I see you. I’ve been you. I am you.
I would often use the new year to decide to become someone different, a nd the way I would become someone different was if I could finally stick to something I wanted to achieve.
Sounds simple enough, right?
I would set fitness goals, character goals, personal finance goals, emotional wellness goals, mental health goals. You name it, I set it.
And like millions of others, I started off gung ho and absolutely determined to stick to my goals this time.
And for a bit, I did.
And then, like millions of others, I would miss a workout, or spend outside my budget, or snap at my kids when my goal was to be less reactive and more loving, or forget to journal for a few days, or let daily chores pile up when I resolved to keep a tidier, more organized home….
Or maybe my goal was to stop playing small at work but I couldn’t escape the identity of the person who had played small her entire life.
You get the picture.
After awhile, I stopped setting resolutions altogether.
And after awhile, I stopped setting goals altogether.
It’s painful to set resolutions and goals when part of you has that sinking feeling that you’re not going to stick them.
Most of us start off believing (or hoping) that we can beat that sinking feeling with determination and willpower.
And that’s why most of us end up giving up within weeks or months.
We try again the following year only to repeat the same pattern.
And then we label ourselves as someone who can’t stick with things or do the things we set out to do.
We label ourselves quitters and over time, we believe that’s just who we are — someone who always quits.
It’s hard to trust yourself when you believe deep down that you never do what you say you’re going to do.
It’s hard for our brain to get fully on board with any goal or resolution when it believes the ending is a foregone conclusion.
Our brains are wired for survival — whether physical or emotional. And things that cause us physical or emotional pain — real or perceived — feel like a threat to our physical or emotional survival.
If our brain knows we are trying to do something that, historically, causes us pain, it will subconsciously work to undermine our efforts.
It’s painful to keep reaffirming an identity that we’re desperately trying to escape, so no wonder we end up imploding or sabotaging efforts to try again.
Things started changing for me when I realized I was setting the wrong type of resolutions.
The problem wasn’t setting the resolutions, per se.
The problem was that I would give up.
So what if my only resolution was that I would never give up on finding ways to help myself on things that mattered to me?
If that was my one and only resolution, it would apply to all areas of my life.
It would allow for the ups and downs of life.
It would allow for days I was gung ho and the days I felt trapped by my own self-doubt and fears.
It would allow for days I felt like superwoman and the days I felt completely delusional and angry at myself for allowing myself to feel hopeful that I could change.
Because if my resolution was to never give up on myself, on finding ways to help myself on things that mattered to me, then I would keep picking myself back up
and keep picking myself back up
and keep picking myself back up
as many times as necessary…
…until.
I know I’ve shared this quote before, but it’s one of my absolute favorites. It’s a quote that I turn to often, particularly on the days I feel like I’m in the middle of an ocean and can’t see the shore.
“How long should you try? Until.” — Jim Rohn
How many times do you dust yourself off and pick yourself back up? Until.
How many times do you work on your thoughts? Until.
How many times do you give yourself a pep talk? Until.
How many times do you bring yourself back into belief? Until.
How many times do you search for hope when you feel hopeless? Until.
How many times do you look for ways to be kinder and gentler to yourself? Until.
How many times do you try?
Until.
What’s the alternative, my friend?
If you’re struggling with your goals and resolutions, but you long to change your life, consider whether you make only one resolution this year.
Resolve to not give up on yourself.
This year I have:
— one resolution: To not give up on helping myself on things that matter to me
— one quote: “How long do you try? Until” — Jim Rohn
— one word of intention: Until
What about you?
Rooting for you,
Kari
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