I realized something today as I was driving to the gym: I like going to the gym.
I like working out. I like working up a sweat. I like when I’ve finished a set and I’m tired but I tell myself, “Again.”
I like knowing I’m putting in the work to grow stronger.
There was a time when I wasn’t going to the gym. I wasn’t exercising regularly, if at all. I wasn’t challenging myself physically.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to. I did. I’ve worked out enough in my life to know that I just function better — mentally, emotionally, physically — when I’m active.
But wanting to do something is one thing, and actually doing the thing is another.
Many of us languish in the wanting-to-do-the-thing phase.
And many of us wonder how we move from wanting to doing.
I thought back to when I was still in the wanting phase with exercise. What flipped the switch for me was when I realized how much time and mental energy I was spending not going to the gym.
The pattern looked like this: wanting to be stronger, knowing that exercise was the key to becoming stronger, berating myself for not exercising, spiraling into self-loathing, questioning why I always want to do things but never commit to seeing things through, sharply judging my character, feeling weak, wanting to be stronger.
And repeat.
Does this sound familiar?
The turning point for me was when I realized I would never be free of this pattern unless I did the work to break it.
The desire to break the pattern became my motivator. It was more powerful than the resistance. I wanted to prove to myself that the only barrier to what I wanted was in my mind.
You might think after this realization that I just went out and joined a gym. I did, but months later.
You see, I’ve had gym memberships before — at a couple of different gyms. I paid hundreds of dollars over the course of a few years only to never go.
I didn’t want to repeat that pattern.
So this time I decided that I would start by exercising at home, and this time I decided I would make it fun.
I began by running a half mile around my neighborhood. I bought a jump rope. I bought a basketball. I gave myself permission to broaden my definition of “working out.”
Somewhere between running, skipping rope and challenging myself to shoot 100 free throws, I started viewing exercise as fun.
After a few months, I joined a gym. I still skip rope, but now I have access to better ropes. I still run, but now on a treadmill. I’m slowly incorporating different exercises into my workouts so I can strengthen other areas of my body.
Now I view my monthly gym membership as an integral investment in my mental, physical, and emotional health.
Most days, I’m itching to go.
I’m no longer caught in the wanting phase. I’m actually doing.
I no longer wish to be someone who works out regularly. I am becoming that person each time I choose to go.
That’s the difference between the wanting phase and the doing phase.
Wanting without doing is disempowering.
Wanting, then doing is empowering.
If you’re caught in the wanting phase, ask yourself if that’s how you want to be spending your time and energy.
Would you rather spend your time and energy not doing the thing, or would you rather spend your time and energy just doing the thing?
You will expend time and energy either way, but the trajectories will be radically different.
The good news is that every next moment is another opportunity to choose the trajectory you want.
James Clear talks about this in his book, Atomic Habits:
“It doesn’t matter how successful or unsuccessful you are right now. What matters is whether your habits are putting you on the path toward success. You should be far more concerned with your current trajectory than with your current results.”
Think of an area of struggle in your life.
Consider if you’re caught in the wanting to do something phase.
Follow that trajectory. Do you like where you’re headed?
If not, are you willing to do something about it?
One step at a time. That’s how you cultivate new habits.
One habit at a time. That’s how you change your life.
Have a great day.
Kari
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